A half-second behind

You ever have that feeling that reality is about a second ahead of your consciousness, and that even the words you speak or type are a bit of a surprise to hear coming out of your mouth, since you've not yet had a chance to put voice to those words? When I'm really paying attention, it's like my limbic system and everything external is already decided half a second ahead of my actual consciousness--like, by the time I've consciously decided to put that double-em-dash earlier in this sentence, I've already heard the sound of my fingers hitting the keys. it's like how your hand will drop the hot potato before your fingers even make the report to mister Brain - hey, this shit is fuckin' HOT! So, what's the point of making decisions, if they're already made?

Again, maybe instead, I'm just nuts.

Ebb and Flow

I've had this weird feeling lately. Like, wistfulness, but not for the past. You know how retro fashion has cycled through - back in the early 90's, Weedstock and a lot of psychedelia were fashionable Alice in Chains was nothing if not a metalled-up psych-rock band), then That 70's Show had everyone wearing a lot of brown, then a couple years ago we were already seeing a resurgence of pleather pants a la' the Reagan 80's? Now fashion is all over the map, since there's no "retro" to mine for ideas. I feel the same way with regards to the cultural zeitgeist - I pine not for any past (real or idealized) but rather the very present I'm experiencing. It's like, I can't really connect to what's actually going on around me, but I can still mourn and long for the imagined place I have in the mix.

Sometimes I'm not entirely sure that I'm not the idiot and those who I assume are idiots aren't the grand masters.